WHAT MAKES A MAN A GOOD MAN?

[Jan Tchamani]

Isn't it funny how we ask ourselves that, instead of 'What makes a person a good person?' Is it subtly - or very obviously - different for men and for women? And is that because of expectations or gender roles or tradition or culture, or self-assumed masks perhaps? Anyway, I've met a good man and here's my definition:

1. He is to be found humbly using his strength to help his neighbours

2. He is rather shy and won't jump on you

3. He's passionate when you get to that point - but always a gentleman

4. He notices your body language, so you don't have to spell everything out

5. He doesn't play power games e.g. he doesn't find out your weak spots and then exploit the knowledge he has to hurt you

6. He knows a hug is worth more than a bunch of flowers - but brings you flower too, occasionally

7. He doesn't buy an expensive item for himself and then something small for you with what's left over

8. He looks very proud when he's managed to fix something for you

9. He loves to be needed - but isn't 'needy' - he has his own strength and independence, and aspirations

10. He tears up in weepy movies occasionally and doesn't mind if you notice

11. When he says 'It's up to you - you choose', he doesn't then moan about your choice later on (e.g. a movie, a meal)

12. He believes in right and wrong, good and evil, moral choices and responsibilities - but knows he's failed to be perfect himself and is compassionate towards others when they fail, and helps others back on their feet

13. He cooks a melt-in-the-mouth casserole because he knows about flavour...

14. He glories in your body, whatever age it is

15. He makes romantic gestures and doesn't mind if people see - but doesn't make them in public just to show off

16. He will hold your hand in public and not snatch his hand away if a better-looking woman comes into view

17. He doesn't make sexist comments - or if he does and you object, he apologizes and looks sheepish

18. He's loyal to the hilt, and will always cover your back

19. He has a horror of domestic violence and abuse of all kinds, and his hands are gentle

20. He notices when you're tired, and takes over tasks willingly, but without making capital out of it later

21. His greatest joy is to put a smile on your face

22. He opens his heart to your family and friends, and they love him back

23. He makes you proud to be his woman

24. He sometimes finishes your sentences for you, and sometimes says things that totally challenge your thinking

25. If you wake up from a nightmare, he gives you a cuddle and never says 'don't be silly'

26. He never mocks you, but can jolly you along and help you see the funny side of things

27. He is well thought of in the community by those who are decent, and hated by those who are not because he stands up for what is pure, noble and good

28. He's the first to notice when you're stressed and is quick and effective with a shoulder massage

29. He asks your opinion and occasionally for advice, and takes what you say seriously but doesn't hide behind you when your opinion/advice proves to be wrong - he knows if he listens, it's up to him

30. He keeps the cold wind of life off you in a million ways...

I bless Life for Terry and hope that all my Red Tent sisters have at least one man of his quality by your side by the end of 2012...

Love from Jan xx

[Jan Tchamani]

So sorry you're going through such a terrible time, Gill. Hopefully the Red Tent event at which Emma will totally inspire us will help also.

Emma - that's such a sweet comment - I'll make sure Terry sees it (bless him) xxx

Love to all

[Emma Marie Beech]

Add to the list when you do something really stupid, he tells you off but gives you a hug :)  and when you ate all of his crisps/jaffa cakes he still forgives you lol

[Jan Tchamani]

Pauline - we're both bowled over (haha - pun!) by your lovely comments! Looking forward to having lunch with you tomorrow! Big huge hugs from both of us xxxxxxx

By the way, we have to have a register office wedding first on 1st Sept - but that means we can be really creative about the celebration/exchange of vows at 2pm at the lounge... Hoping to hold planning party sometime in April, after we've been to the reg office with our paperwork! xxxxxxx

[Pauline Hartley]

Hi, Jan!  What a lovely description of Terry......I'm sure well-deserved.  

 Wow, but that's a question and a half!  Sometimes we define who is 'good' depending on what role they have in our lives..........what makes a good husband, what makes a good sister, what makes a good father, what makes a good husband or wife , what makes a good boss etc?  My experience is that the problems arise when we thought we knew someone and then discover they weren't entirely as we thought, don't hold our same values and definition of "good" ........or is it our own wishful thinking that creates that?  Do we kid ourselves sometimes just to have an escape route from something else?

But I KNOW Terry is kind and certainly thinks of others .....and my evidence is ;- 

He went to great lengths to check there were no prawns in what I was eating, rummaging for the ingredients written on the empty boxes!

He makes sure I get to my car safely!

He picked up all the skittles when we played!

He welcomes Jan's friends and appreciates the Red Tent...... even if he does tell me I can't invent a new skittles tactic  (those who didn't come to skittles match should have come just to witness that!  I bet I couldn't do it again!)

Thanks, Terry and Jan, for your love, support and friendship.....may the future be wonderful for you.

Hugs and love,  Pauline xx 

[Gill Butts]

Yes I'm at home today but plan to return back to work tomorrow.  I'm glad the Beer & Skittles evening went well.  Looking forward to a possible wedding for the September event.  With love Gill x

[Jan Tchamani]

Hi Gill - so sorry you're in the wars. Hope you're resting and comfortable at home today. Last Saturday's skittles night was a great laugh. The Grove Rd residents beat The Red Tent women by a huge amount, but we did all get better and better as the evening went on, and 3 of us were in the top 6 scorers by the end of the session. Everyone brought snacks and drinks, and we had a really nice buffet when it was all put together. It was lovely to see Marcia Reid, Marcia Suria, Shirley Cooper, Jean Brant and Pauline Hartley there - and Michael and Emma joined us, as well as half a dozen of my neighbours. Wonderful! We must do it again. Btw, it looks as though maybe our September 1st event may be a wedding... xxx Big smiles and hugs, Jan

[Gill Butts]

It would be lovely and I'm so pleased for you Jan.

I'm currently getting over yet another fall and was in A&E last night with stitches to my head.  Maybe nobody would want such an accident prone person.  I'm feeling remarkably ok this time though so maybe the croning in December is helping me cope with it all. 

Would love to know how the beer and skittles went.

With love

Gill x